Written (and dreamt up) by: Charley Langowski
If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to throw caution (and possibly dignity) to the wind, we have an answer: a SPAM™ flavor taste test. That’s right. We cracked open cans of canned meat and set our taste buds on a rollercoaster of confusion, delight, and deep, deep regret.
Our mission? To find the greatest SPAM™ flavor of all time. Our stomachs may never forgive us, but science demanded we proceed.
For the science, each flavor was tested alone (lightly microwaved) and in a prepared dish a la camp food.
We had Gochujang Ramen, Spicy Jalapeno Mashed Potato Bowls, Hot and Spicy Fajitas, Reduced-Salt Minestrone, Hickory-Smoked Mac and Cheese, and Maple Breakfast Sammies. The possibilities were SPAM™-infinite.
Also for the science, we created a scorecard and rated everything 1 to 5.
The Good, The Bad, and The Unholy
We dove spoon-first into an array of flavors. Some were delightful surprises (hello, Jalapeño SPAM™, you spicy little palette confuser), while others were pure betrayal in a can (side-eyes Gochujang).
Hickory Smoke made us feel like we had just eaten a whole campfire, while Hot & Spicy whispered false promises of balance before slapping our tongues with an identity crisis.
But then, like a majestic, syrupy beacon of hope, emerged MAPLE SPAM™.
The Undisputed Champion: Maple SPAM™
Imagine waking up on a crisp autumn morning, the smell of pancakes wafting through the air, and then—BAM!—instead of pancakes, it’s a slab of processed meat infused with the golden nectar of the maple trees. That’s Maple SPAM™. It is everything we didn’t know we needed. Sweet, salty, and utterly confusing in the best way possible. It laughed in the face of our preconceived notions and danced on the ashes of our skepticism.
Our Tummies? Permanently Scarred
While our souls found joy in Maple SPAM™’s glory, our stomachs were on a different journey—a perilous, gurgling adventure through the valley of regret. But would we do it again? Absolutely.
So, if you ever find yourself in the canned meat aisle, wondering which variety to trust with your fragile taste buds, let us save you some pain: Go Maple or go home.
May your taste tests be bold, and your stomachs be strong.
#SPAM™champion #MapleMadness #WhyDidWeDoThis